I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
