have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
