Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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