Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
