Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
