WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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