2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
