yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
