Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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