You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
