Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
