dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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