We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize