Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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