just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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