I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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