pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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