I cannot find my penis.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
