she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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