So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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