Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
