Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
