you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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