but the lizard people decide everything anyway
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
