dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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