I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
