I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Say something about gay babies.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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