he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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