Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
