When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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