Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
