I CAN MOONWALK!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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