Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
