i need an iv and a liver transplant
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
