i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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