2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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