Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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