He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
