What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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