Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
