my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
