so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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