The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
