hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
