she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
