Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
