jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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