turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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