Nicole vs. Life
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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