so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize