oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
smell my finger.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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