so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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