Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
