I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
