She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
