small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
