It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
