Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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