she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize