If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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