Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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