she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
