god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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