Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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